Alison's Journal

3:36AM

You know you're a nutter when, in order to find a name for your distinct brand of perfectionism, you google "everyone should like me best" only to come up with two hits: one being a forum for the soap opera Passions, and the other being a blog entry that you wrote on myspace many months ago. Shit. Anyone have any advice for that problem? I'm doing well overall, I just need to deal with that precise character flaw.

Current mood: tired

1:35PM - Tentative Thanksgiving Menu:

And I attempt to invent gourmet with:

Green bean casserole with carmelized red onion and toasted almond crust
Roasted red pepper and garlic potato croquettes with portabella gravy
Cranberry-pecan glazed seitan roast
Traditional baked stuffing.
And maybe pumpkin cheesecake? with molasses whipped cream, if possible?

(all recipes original)
Love me.

Oh and I went to bed at 5 this morning and got up at 8:30 to go to a library across town, make photocopies, and turn in 8 (yes, 8) assignments for school, with the 9th that I had to have completed but not turned in. So, suck it, world!

Current mood: you're jealous of me.

12:03AM

With increasing frequency I'm realizing that, with a few exceptions, I am completely sickened with everyone I went to high school with, in addition to most other people. It's funny how I didn't realize it at the time, but now I find it hard to believe that I didn't go totally nuts.
Except I guess I did. So all of a sudden, my life makes a good amount of sense.

Current mood: Holy shit, don't I wish I knew

4:23PM

5:07PM - I want to take swing dance lessons

11:26PM

Welcome to Crushville
Population: me.


HAHAHAHAHA

Current mood: giddy

Current music: Dirty Dancing soundtrack I just finished downloading...

12:46PM

And then...

Current mood: enthralled

6:38PM - Dear Devin:

And then...



!!!

3:45PM

Nothing ever ever can or will be as good as me watching dirty dancing by myself after having spent the morning gardening with Teresa. I'm sorry, world. That's just the way it is.

Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey make me want to touch myself.




Fucking talk to me.


I love Dan

Current mood: liar liar pants on fire

Current music: oh ho ho, dirty dancing

4:45PM

11:35PM

Liam just chewed my phone into three pieces. broken.

It's warm out and that makes me fucking crazy and I'm not sure why.
There are about a million different ways I feel invisible.

3:23PM - and again

3:20PM - do it again

3:12PM - The most romantic song I know.

Current mood: born to run

Current music: Wendy let me in, I want to be your friend, I want to guard your dreams & visions

3:40PM

The Station Agent is my favorite movie to watch in the winter. It makes me want to go on walks, and start planning my garden. who wants to talk on the phone with me? who am I friends with? there's so much I can't do that I want to do. go watch the station agent.

Current mood: winter, but fine

9:22PM

Current mood: uncomfortable

1:47PM

and then I realize that I have no control over any aspect of my life
or at least that's how it feels pretty much all the time
and what i do really doesn't matter, because the world will continue to push me along
and nothing will ever stop or change
and remember when this thing was honest?
I'm not even sure who doesn't hate me now
and i'm freakishly problematic in ways i can't really talk about
except that i know a fellow student will have to inspect my body up and down and all of my skin
and it makes me want to die

i'm learning to diagnose all the problems i pretend not to have
and reading the symptoms like a diary.


this is really emo.

Current mood: overwhelmed

Current music: andrew bird

3:54AM - REPOST FROM JULY 2005 BECAUSE IT MADE ME HAPPY

the following true story was told to me by Dan:

"when I was a kid, I would always have to go to bed early. I would stay awake making up stories about myself being an X-Man. About an hour later, my mom would come in and say "go to bed, Dan", and we would say prayers together. Every night I would pray to become an X-Man. I also prayed about this every time we went to church. By the time I hit puberty, and realized I had no mutations, I had lost all faith in God. Clearly if there was a god, I would be an X-Man"

Very simply, this story illustrates why I love Dan.

12:33AM

I'm tired of vegetable gardening
sure it's practical
it's just so exhausting. it never ends.
it would be such a relief to just plant a bunch of nice perennials
you know what I mean?

you know you do...

1:46PM - guess who's ready to explode!?

oh golly...
I need to get my brain together...
working tonight- who wants to go eat fried food? I fry it...
I'm such a shit. what am I even doing with my life?

seriously, though, things are pretty damn decent.

Current mood: grraaaaagh!